based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
