forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
she pinky promised me she was 18
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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