Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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