ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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