He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
