Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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