Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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