I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
