This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
