I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Randomize
