will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
