I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
