My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
