im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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