Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
