Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
My dad is sitting where you rode me
where are my eyebrows?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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