I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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