So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
