my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
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I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
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I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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