I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
this is an emotional support booty call
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
