On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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