can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Randomize
