just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize
