It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm at about main and main street
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
