Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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