finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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