Do you still have your period?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
