My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
