Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
