If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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