I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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