Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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