i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
