jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
