oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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