i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
