now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
