Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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