I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
