Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
We got so high we made milksteak
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
