After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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