Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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