Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
