I wanna bring you to show and tell
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
