3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize
