Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
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