I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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