During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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