You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
