Porn is love you can see.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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