my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
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Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
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