u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
