Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
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I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
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BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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