Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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