Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Randomize
