Texts From Last Night

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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church

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  (501): if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church http://tfl.nu/2izr
  Replies (15) Good night (1972) Bad night (2473)
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  (315): View more from New York

  im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!

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  (315): im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone! http://tfl.nu/rzxj
  Replies (41) Good night (3270) Bad night (1180)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?

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  (816): She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit? http://tfl.nu/kt2r
  Replies (24) Good night (7552) Bad night (1174)
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  (941): View more from Florida

  well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.

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  (941): well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already. http://tfl.nu/vv0a
  Replies (5) Good night (5037) Bad night (937)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'

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  (954): They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home' http://tfl.nu/2uct
  Replies (4) Good night (2297) Bad night (824)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.

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  (843): I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture. http://tfl.nu/qb04
  Replies (3) Good night (994) Bad night (445)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off

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  (914): The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off http://tfl.nu/j2wh
  Replies (6) Good night (1012) Bad night (690)
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  (269): View more from Michigan

  We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.

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  (269): We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable. http://tfl.nu/14d9
  Replies (3) Good night (1656) Bad night (632)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf

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  (508): Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf http://tfl.nu/j0ls
  Replies (2) Good night (792) Bad night (371)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  "willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?

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  (781): "willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate? http://tfl.nu/w7fu
  Replies (2) Good night (446) Bad night (714)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.

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  (919): Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night. http://tfl.nu/j5x3
  Replies (4) Good night (353) Bad night (602)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.

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  (727): Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best. http://tfl.nu/j1qb
  Replies (3) Good night (1096) Bad night (393)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.

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  (781): Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life. http://tfl.nu/7fu0
  Replies (4) Good night (466) Bad night (676)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?

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  (617): How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it? http://tfl.nu/hmuk
  Replies (9) Good night (498) Bad night (772)
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  The side bitch struggle is real.

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  (337): I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car. (717): The side bitch struggle is real. http://tfl.nu/ni3w
  Replies (4) Good night (1074) Bad night (439)

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