I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
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pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.