lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
