ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?