I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
handjob tips. give me some.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this