Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
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If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference