is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
