omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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