Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
This house was built for laser tag.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
