she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Randomize
