tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm just crazy horny about you
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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