she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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