I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
